So, as if my life isn’t busy enough, I’ve decided to attempt to blog, or write, or whatever. I don’t have any misconstrued notions that anyone might actually read it, and if someone out there is… good lord I’m sorry you stumbled upon this. I don’t really even know what I’m trying to accomplish by this, but I’ve been forgetful as of lately, so maybe it’s my way of remembering things, in case I get really old and forget who I am even.
Right now, I’m 35 (I just had to use a calculator because I couldn’t remember how old I was! I might actually be losing it). I live with my man, boyfriend, love of my life, (Whatever you want to call him, I just am glad he hasn’t strangled me in my sleep yet) and two of the most crazy, eccentric, totally befuddling dogs (more on these two crazy hoodlums at a later date). I work full time, I go to school part time, I feel like I have no time.
I’d like to say going back to college is the reason I feel like I have no time, that the homework demands are so great that it’s left me with no me time, but really, it’s not. I think I just got old and require that much more down time and there never seems to be enough. It also doesn’t help that I spend my waking hours running frantically around trying to get every little thing done so that I can finally relax. Guess that that results in? You got it, me never getting to relax. So it’s either the house looks like a person or two exploded out of their clothing, neither of us know how to operate the dishwasher, and I’m attempting to make a 3rd dog out of the dog hair collecting on the kitchen floor or.. I clean. So 9 times out of 10, I chose to clean, despite resenting everyone and everything for the fact that I have to do it, and refusing to ask for help. So yeah, kinda my fault, but really he should read my mind and know I want him to sweep right?! Right?! Fine no, it doesn’t work like that.
What I’m actually doing here is avoiding homework. No seriously, I have 2 papers and a midterm coming up next week, who wants to face the reality of that? But seriously, I think I’m here… because I’m missing something. I wasn’t ever the type to have lots of friends, be the life of the party or the one everyone invited, heck I was lucky most the time just for someone to remember I existed. I’ve always been different, weird, not normal, an outsider, THAT girl, the one that never belonged. And lately, that old feeling, that one I thought I’d outgrown, has come back. That feeling of no one understanding, caring, listening, and of having no place in the world. Although lately I’m wondering if not being a part of mainstream society isn’t really all that bad of a thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about going rogue and living in a cabin in the woods with no electricity and no *gasp* internet! But really, even the people I considered some of my best “friends” I’m finding shallow and self centered. So yeah, like maybe this is my attempt to figure out if there really is anyone out there…..