The New Year

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So I haven’t written since before Christmas, oops. Christmas was ok, the dogs were way better behaved than I ever imagined they could be. However, my mom had the flu, and didn’t tell anyone, so we both got sick. And being sick drug on and on and on it feels like. I’m still not sure I’m really “well”. I am tired ALL the time, I want to kill people most of the time. So maybe it’s not being sick that’s the problem, maybe it’s me.

Things that have happened:

-coworker is once again supposedly pregnant, which she probably is this time since she has ultrasounds and shit.

-Stormie has urinary incontinence, or something worse, we don’t really know until she’s been on meds longer, if they don’t work they’ll do an ultrasound and make sure she’s put together right, I guess something could not be hooked up to other thing and blah. All because she pees in her crate daily.

– Kane has surgery on his lump in February, on February 19th to be exact, which is his birthday, way to go Mom! Also, he’s having his teeth cleaned, and his toenails chopped off because I’m a horrible mom and they’ve just gotten way too long.

– An acquaintance of mine died, was murdered to be exact. My boyfriend knew him a lot better than me. I had only met him a couple of times, I didn’t really think it’d affect me as much as it has, I keep coming back to the thought that a person could get killed in a busy parking lot, be there dead for 24 hours and no one gave a shit enough to notice? That really bothers me. It doesn’t surprise me that people are that selfish, but it does bother me, a lot.

– I started class again, 1 class this semester again, it’s kinda boring thus far. The syllabus was terrifying, but it really doesn’t seem all that bad now. I’m a bit afraid now that I no longer want to be a paralegal when I grow up. I guess for today that’s what I’ll focus on, since the rest there isn’t much more I can say about.

 

So, I’m going to school to get my Associates in Paralegal Studies, ironically I’ve worked at a law office for going on 11 years. When I started I was a receptionist, then I took over small claims filings and the money/accounting part of our biggest client. Then one of the ladies working here left, so I took over what she did (service and defaulting hearings). Anyways, over the years we’ve went from a staff of 6 to a staff of 3.

Last April the actual paralegal left, with two weeks notice, to take a job at a native corporation. Do I blame her? Not really, it has to be killer money. What I do blame her for is fucking off the past oh, I don’t know 3-4 years before she actually left. Prior to leaving she tried to file a bunch of stuff which in turn all came down on me after she was gone. Also she sucked at getting anything done on time, ever. So most everything was past due, should of been dealt with long ago, etc. She also left anything that wasn’t easy, so I have all these problem files that I’m not really experienced with that I need help with, that the attorney I work for is too busy to deal with.

I have no experience preparing for trials, it’s the one thing the other paralegal always did, that I had no part of. Granted she always did them at the last minute, but she did do them and I never had to. But when she left no one showed me or told me how to do them, also, because of all the problem files, we’ve got like 8 or 9 trials coming up. Now deadlines are coming up, and I really have no clue what I’m supposed to be doing yet the attorney is still too busy or just doesn’t care anymore.

I’m at the point where coming to work no longer really interests me, if no one cares but me, why should I care? If the other supposed paralegal (who is supposedly one class short of her degree but when my boss offered to pay for schooling didn’t jump on that) can show up at noon or after, talk all day, be annoying and then get pregnant the boss is going to let her work from home…. why should I show up everyday on time and do my work and care? I mean really, I’ve been here 11 years, 11! She’s been here uh.. 1? 2? I guess being a fuck up has it’s perks. Plus what the hell is he going to do when she actually has supposed baby? Let her bring it to work? Just let her “work” from home all the time?

I’m stressed out with the amount of work I have now, I need help, yet one person I work with is incapable of helping, like really isn’t smart enough and the other is too busy with her baby drama to even do her own work, let alone actually help anyone else. So yeah no help for me, not even the attorney cares enough to bother not making me work what’s now equivalent to 3-4 people’s jobs. Oh and going to school, which means missing 4 hours of work a week, which I’m not paid for even though I’m going to school to benefit this stupid job! So yeah I’m eating 8 hours a paycheck to go to school, to become better educated, so I can do my job better, for……. what exactly? To be treated like I don’t matter and never will? awesome, so why am I doing this again? I don’t know either anymore.  Mostly I want to tell him to shove his job and go work elsewhere, but unfortunately I need to get paid what I make now and there’s not a whole lot of jobs out there that pay this. So yeah in the end I don’t know what I’m going to do…. keep looking and jump ship the minute I can is what I feel like doing. I don’t want to work at a place where the person who’s been here the longest matters the least because they’re the least drama. I also don’t want to work at a place where I’m the only one who cares.

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